sports lanes

I think it’s high time the commercial world starts using Sports Lanes. I’ll illustrate what these are with a case-in-point:

This morning my father and I went into the city to run some errands(and also pick up some Krispy Kremes, a requirement whenever I come home). Knowing good and well the Dawgs would be appearing on ESPN, at the last minute we stopped by the Kroger in Madison to pick up some brew. Dad goes in to pick up the Newcastle while I wait in the truck. He ends up taking almost fifteen minutes. FIFTEEN minutes for a six-pack!?!

Dad returns to tell me the story of how he got in the express lane, yet the old lady in front of him took all……day……long to fill out her check. My dad is attempting to get his beer and get to the game in time, yet this geriatric obstacle is holding him back. Now, the point of this story isn’t to bash against the elderly. Far from it. Rather, I’m trying to push for the inclusion of a checkout line in all grocery stores that caters to the sports fan trying to get home(or to the bar) in time for the game. A Sports Lane, if you will(like that, Trevor?).

Think about it. No more worrying about not returning in time from your last-minute runs to the store to pick up dip or cheetos that you somehow forgot. You get your item, head to the Sports Lane, and if you show some form of identification for the team you are going to watch, then you obtain instant checkout clearance. It’s that simple. Forms of identification include, but are not limited to: team apparel, driver’s license from state of team, or championship ring from a team’s world title year.

Although you SHOULD be wearing team apparel the day of the big game, they would allow you to advance if you can answer a simple trivia question about your team. Of course, being the high-speed Sports Lane, you have to answer within 3 seconds. If not, then to the back of the line.

It could end there, but it really shouldn’t. Dad I pack up the truck and head up the highway. T-minus 30 minutes until tip off. Lo and behold, ole granny two-step decides to drive at a brisk 42 mph in front of us on the 55 mph highway. Why isn’t there an outdoors Sports Lane for cars? Have a simple toll booth-like area to enter, and using the same rules as the grocery store(proper sports ID or knowledge of team playing), you are allowed through. The speed limit will depend on how close the game time is. Within an hour, 65 mph. Within 30 minutes, 75 mph. Within 15 minutes, 95 mph. Within 5 minutes, well…it’s really up to you how fast you wanna go at that point.

Just something I’ve been thinking about…

Currently Drinking: Newcastle (my dad and I are on a kick, what can I say?)